She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need a beard to bite.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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