I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
