Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
