what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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