Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
