Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You are a genius and a whore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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