i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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