It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
