Sacagawea was the original milf.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
