Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
