i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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