my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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