My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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