you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
