the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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