eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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