I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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