i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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