Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
