We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
