My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
