It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
