You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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