I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
