This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
