And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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