I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
