No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
