Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
