It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
