you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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