there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize