I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
