I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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