I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Congratulations! We have a period
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