I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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