I wanna bring you to show and tell
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize