Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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