I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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