I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
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I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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