they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize