In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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