yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
