You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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