I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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