I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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