i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
