my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
