The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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