i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
