this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
