Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
