if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
