Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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