It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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