Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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