Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
