Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wish my penis had a tongue
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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