Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
