We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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