dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
