If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
