Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
