____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
